that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Randomize
