my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
