What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
