I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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