Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
