i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
