halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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