yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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