matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
