Well apparently he's into motor boating.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
