the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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