Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize