Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you win again, gameday.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
