I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
