Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
