and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
oh god was she eating orange peels again
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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