i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
