I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
