I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
