lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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