help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
