I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
