so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
