and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
