Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
