oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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