So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
