69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
