We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
