Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
