walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
