I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
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