its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
