i wish there were pregnant emoticons
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
