Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Terrible idea I love it
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
