i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Randomize
