Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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