i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
