Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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