He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
OPIZZABONMYDICK
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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