Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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