I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
