Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
