don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
