Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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