my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Is it penis luge time yet?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Randomize
