I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize