there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we're making bets on your personal life
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
