Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
