my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Randomize
