You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
