yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
