If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
