dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
