Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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