you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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