Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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