sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
