I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
