I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
