She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
