I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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