I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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