awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
