remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
We are two peas in an std pod
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
