Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
After tacos, we're chasing women.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Randomize
