long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
