Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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