i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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