so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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