I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
