my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
