I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
