she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
