I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
