i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Randomize
