my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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