my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize