It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
