I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
