I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
is wine microwaveable?
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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