I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
