Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
