I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
