i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
